Goodbye and goodnight.

I was running on the treadmill tonight and i started to cry. It just sort of all hit me at once. I miss you. The "you" here is a collective "you". Is that odd? But it is true. I started thinking about 1 particular person I will miss because the nature of our relationship has changed. And that turned into the missing of another person who I wish was here to console me, which promptly turned into a 3rd person that I missed because they never lived up to what I had hoped they would be. Pheewww, that is exhausting. I miss them all for different reasons. I miss the ex-boyfriend because it is difficult to see into the future for the hope of being loved that way again. I miss my mother because she seems like a person who would reassure me that there will in fact be a future. And I miss/mourn other people who have consistently let me down, lied to me (and probably themselves), and generally behaved in a manner unbecoming of a human. I should probably insert a rainbow or puppy picture here. I am not a Debbie Downer all of the time, but sometimes the realization that I lack all of that love is...well...unspeakable and paralyzing.