My friends have graciously humored me as I tell them the grand stories of my recent dating experiences. However, I feel like the stories just keep coming, and all of my time spent with my friends could be entirely monopolized by these stories, and that doesn't help me in the sister-friend bonding department-as friendship should be a joint effort. So I will share my stories here so that you have a choice whether to read or not.
I realized this week that my email inbox seems to be stuffed with the following messages in the subject line (notice the lack of originality) it breaks down like this:
The majority are "hey" (although 1 poor fellow wrote Hay-like the hay for horses) or "hey you" as if we are already familiar.
2 wrote "wow" obviously because they were so taken with my NON-sexy profile picture of my niece and I at a 3 year old's birthday party.
1 titled Wooooo-hooooooo! (I guess he was giving me a cyber whistle?)
3 hello (1 "hello pretty lady"-from 1gr8gy)
and of course the many generic "Hi".
1"great smile"-at least it is somewhat original.
Now on to the body portions of the emails-these are CLASSIC.
I will transcribe these now for your reading pleasure.
jeff1995: Hay, Jeff age 37 w165 h5.9 I,m very sweet and honest. So if you like to know more ask.
PS I have one boy he is 14 i love him alot.
Mr.BIG2585: DAYUM DAYUM DAYUM...(I guess he meant Damn?!)Please tell me you're in Nashville because I am moving there on Monday. Id love to get to know you better and talk! I need a guide (wink wink). :P MUAHH.
(REALLY, Mr. BIG?) *In his profile this gentleman wrote in the what I am looking for category "YOU!" So-that was clear. He obviously meant me, right? No other girl fits that description-oh wait....
I got this message without prior messages "So where are we going on our first date?" (rather presumptuous for someone I have never spoken to before).
urbestpal sent me this one-liner "Hey Sexy, u like younger men?" I think my response was supposed to be something like "sure, come on into my cougar den". But then I have never been one to follow the road MORE traveled.
So my actual response was "Really? Does that work for you?" Must be-he moved on to other potential cougars.
Every couple of days I get a message from uwouldrollwithme that says "What's poppin?" I am not sure if he just sends that to every female that comes up on his match list, or if I am just the lucky girl to get that intimate banter.
One of my favorites (or rather LEAST favorites) so far is from Parisaway, who states multiple times that he has his own law practice and enjoys the finer things in life such as vintage red wines, trips to his flat in Paris (although his profile says he speaks Spanish-do you think that is Paris, TN?) and finally his "champion blood line cockerspaniel" and wants to know if I would like to be the future first lady! DUDE-I couldn't despise you more and I don't even know you.
I like non-champion blood line mutts, woodchuck beer, and swimming in Percy Priest Lake-sometimes they find dead bodies there-whatever.
Ohhhh I could go on and on and on...but I will end here and if you would like to read more-just leave me a comment. I am sure there is future fodder to be had.
Peace,
KGC
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