Ok, so here is the thing. Recently I have been approached by gentlemen callers (yes I live in a Tennessee Williams play), who in their attempt to be kind and "open" mention that they are 1. an open book (uggghhh boring cliche) and 2. are willing to answer any questions.
Well, that is super, Mr. Single guy, while I think most girls would TOTALLY appreciate your willingness to be open, I find that DAUNTING and very overwhelming. Do you realize you just put all of the pressure on me, and ps. you just asked me to work while you get off totally free and clear. Also- you are really willing to answer ANY question I lob in the air? Are you sure? Cause I can be a crafty chick. I can ask questions you probably never even thought of. Seriously.
I think your intention is probably to show how sensitive and open you can be, which are great qualities in a man, but AFTER you get to know him. In the beginning-be a Man. Initiate interesting conversation, show how you can steer a conversation into sharky waters but make me feel totally safe. Throw out some interesting witty banter to see where I will hit the ball. I don't want to insinuate that I want a game player, but let's be honest, in the beginning that is the flirty fun part!
Otherwise I just have to check my clipboard o'questions, push my glasses up on my face, and choose a random boring question that you will answer in exactly the way you think I expect it to be answered. BLLLAAAHHHH. Then I yawn and fall asleep while you paint pretty pictures of Paris travel and glasses of red wine by a fire. Red wine gives me a headache. Paris sounds romantic, but I live in Nashville in the here and now, I need REALISM, not Romanticism.
If you really want me to "ask any question" you might not like the ones I come up with right off the bat. If you knew me you would know that I am somewhat of a traditionalist with a gooey liberal feminist center. However, how would you know if I am doing all of the asking. Does this mean you would always be this lazy, I mean "open", even in a relationship, because that would be a lot of work for me. (imagined scenario: Where do you want to go to dinner? I'm open, you tell me. soooo chinese? Italian? am I getting warm, a little help here please? ) That exhausts me and we haven't even been on a date yet!
Ok, here are the questions I would ask:
Where do you stand on 5 fouls and you are out rule in college basketball? Here is why I ask, back in the day when the Big East was considered a more physical league-it used to be 6 fouls!! Can you imagine? Think of how that would change the game. It blows my mind.
What is your take on the supernatural? I will fully disclose at this point that I am 100% on this trendy vampire wagon. Sorry. Team Jacob for the record. If you find that immature you should have asked me first!!
Do you really work out 3-5 times a week? People say that (myself included) but those are actually my intentions. I know I should work out that much, and I even schedule it, but if my friends ask me to go to happy hour instead-guess where you will find me?
Do you like to cuddle (Beware-this is a TRICK question) The standard girl wants to hear yes. But I am NOT your standard girl! Cuddling sounds like a fabulous and sweet idea, but it kinda irritates me. I like the standard American 1 square foot of space. Making the effort every once in a while is sweet and makes me feel cute, but other than that, I need my own space to be comfy.
Do you like to grocery shop? I ask this because if I can pawn that task off I totally will. I hate grocery shopping.
Daylight savings? How do you really feel about it? Yeah, stupid question, see why you should not let me do all the asking?!
Do you make new year's resolutions? I don't. That doesn't make me a pessimist, I still make goals, just arbitrarily, not set by the calendar. Way too much structure for me.
What do you think about Gloria Steinem? Careful here... :-)
Who is your favorite author? Ok fine, a top 5 list will do. Please don't tell me you don't read fiction, that would make me terribly sad for you.
What will your next tattoo be? Ohhhh this could be tricky too! I look like a straight and narrow, clean cut teacher, but I might have a little thing for the bad boy! Which I do. So now that is out. But don't let that fool you. I am looking for a real good man that just has shimmers of the old bad boy. Not the total bad ass, make you feel like crap asshole. Two totally different things.
So, now. Must I keep going? At any point do you think you might feign interest in Me? Cause letting me ask all the questions makes it allllll about you. Snooooze.
One last question-what questions do you have for me?
I LOVE this. Good thoughts. Seriously!
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