Remember this? I was thinking about it today while reflecting on things I am learning about life even at the age of 36. I appreciate the simplicity of this poster and the sentiment, all good things. Maybe some people need reminding of these things. For me though, I find that learning the more complex lessons of life are a constant, changing, flowing thing. As a teacher I guess it goes without saying that I am a life-long learner. Whether it is checking NPR.org, the NY times or the People Magazine, I like learning. I especially love learning about the human spirit. Here are some interesting sources of valuable lessons I have learned lately.
Students. They do say the damnedest things, of course my students are 16-18 years old, so they are more deliberate than kindergartners, but I don't remember being as insightful as these kids today. While discussing one of my favorite books, The Lords of Discipline, a student asked me how women bond.
It seemed obvious how boys bond, with playful fighting, friendly competition, overcoming adversities together, brotherly banter. I have 3 brothers and feel close to all of them. I worked at an all-boys catholic school for 5 years where I witnessed and helped foster a loyal brotherhood. I love that brotherhood, that loyalty, I get the concept of "I wear the ring" and feel a kinship to it. But I am clearly NOT a boy, but this endearing process seems normal and welcoming to me.
How DO girls bond? I have sisters, I rely on them and know that they rely on me. But I am somewhat of a motherless daughter, I haven't witnessed that same loyalty outside of my sisters, in other aspects of life. When I was younger I often found girls calculating, self-involved, maybe even spoiled and I didn't relate. And yet-I am really womanly, I think I embody what it means to be a good woman. I have wonderful female friends. How do I not really know what creates those bonds? Is it just more complex? Does it just require less effort? Is it just unspoken? I am not really sure.
Recently I have had the pleasure of meeting up with old female friends, as I have pranced around the country there are still a few people who care to keep up with me. When I see them I feel that bond, how did we get it? Laughter, the sharing of self-discoveries, maybe even as one of my friend's suggested, common enemies? The process isn't nearly as black and white, as easy to identify as the boys. At 36 years old I just noticed this!
I know my mother had wonderful female/sisterly friends, I never paid much attention until recently. I am fortunate enough to count those same women as my friends even 15 years after my mother has passed. These are wise women who are willing to share their wisdom and I trust their judgement.
I also noticed this because I have had female friendships fail where the fall out was more like a nasty divorce than just 2 friends parting ways. This makes me sad, and makes me feel like a terrible person, but self-preservation is still the most important thing, if I have learned anything from boys it is to keep a strong sense of self-preservation. And yet-women sometimes have a hard time with that. We want to give and please, sometimes at the cost of our own character. Maybe getting through that common experience bonds women. For me, bonding with other women is still a process, a learning process. It seems a little murky at times and tough to navigate through. But I am learning, perpetually learning-sometimes in the damnedest places, like my classroom. And sometimes over coffee with a sister, friend, or what I have come to appreciate as my "sister-friends". I am still a student to these life lessons. And even though I have always had friends I don't think I was cognizant of what created the friendships. It doesn't take away from those friendships, but I recognize it now. It's bright, and encouraging, and warm. Thank you sister-friends.
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