My friends have graciously humored me as I tell them the grand stories of my recent dating experiences. However, I feel like the stories just keep coming, and all of my time spent with my friends could be entirely monopolized by these stories, and that doesn't help me in the sister-friend bonding department-as friendship should be a joint effort. So I will share my stories here so that you have a choice whether to read or not.
I realized this week that my email inbox seems to be stuffed with the following messages in the subject line (notice the lack of originality) it breaks down like this:
The majority are "hey" (although 1 poor fellow wrote Hay-like the hay for horses) or "hey you" as if we are already familiar.
2 wrote "wow" obviously because they were so taken with my NON-sexy profile picture of my niece and I at a 3 year old's birthday party.
1 titled Wooooo-hooooooo! (I guess he was giving me a cyber whistle?)
3 hello (1 "hello pretty lady"-from 1gr8gy)
and of course the many generic "Hi".
1"great smile"-at least it is somewhat original.
Now on to the body portions of the emails-these are CLASSIC.
I will transcribe these now for your reading pleasure.
jeff1995: Hay, Jeff age 37 w165 h5.9 I,m very sweet and honest. So if you like to know more ask.
PS I have one boy he is 14 i love him alot.
Mr.BIG2585: DAYUM DAYUM DAYUM...(I guess he meant Damn?!)Please tell me you're in Nashville because I am moving there on Monday. Id love to get to know you better and talk! I need a guide (wink wink). :P MUAHH.
(REALLY, Mr. BIG?) *In his profile this gentleman wrote in the what I am looking for category "YOU!" So-that was clear. He obviously meant me, right? No other girl fits that description-oh wait....
I got this message without prior messages "So where are we going on our first date?" (rather presumptuous for someone I have never spoken to before).
urbestpal sent me this one-liner "Hey Sexy, u like younger men?" I think my response was supposed to be something like "sure, come on into my cougar den". But then I have never been one to follow the road MORE traveled.
So my actual response was "Really? Does that work for you?" Must be-he moved on to other potential cougars.
Every couple of days I get a message from uwouldrollwithme that says "What's poppin?" I am not sure if he just sends that to every female that comes up on his match list, or if I am just the lucky girl to get that intimate banter.
One of my favorites (or rather LEAST favorites) so far is from Parisaway, who states multiple times that he has his own law practice and enjoys the finer things in life such as vintage red wines, trips to his flat in Paris (although his profile says he speaks Spanish-do you think that is Paris, TN?) and finally his "champion blood line cockerspaniel" and wants to know if I would like to be the future first lady! DUDE-I couldn't despise you more and I don't even know you.
I like non-champion blood line mutts, woodchuck beer, and swimming in Percy Priest Lake-sometimes they find dead bodies there-whatever.
Ohhhh I could go on and on and on...but I will end here and if you would like to read more-just leave me a comment. I am sure there is future fodder to be had.
Peace,
KGC
Monday, January 25, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Earth quake survivors.
Remember this? I was thinking about it today while reflecting on things I am learning about life even at the age of 36. I appreciate the simplicity of this poster and the sentiment, all good things. Maybe some people need reminding of these things. For me though, I find that learning the more complex lessons of life are a constant, changing, flowing thing. As a teacher I guess it goes without saying that I am a life-long learner. Whether it is checking NPR.org, the NY times or the People Magazine, I like learning. I especially love learning about the human spirit. Here are some interesting sources of valuable lessons I have learned lately.
Students. They do say the damnedest things, of course my students are 16-18 years old, so they are more deliberate than kindergartners, but I don't remember being as insightful as these kids today. While discussing one of my favorite books, The Lords of Discipline, a student asked me how women bond.
It seemed obvious how boys bond, with playful fighting, friendly competition, overcoming adversities together, brotherly banter. I have 3 brothers and feel close to all of them. I worked at an all-boys catholic school for 5 years where I witnessed and helped foster a loyal brotherhood. I love that brotherhood, that loyalty, I get the concept of "I wear the ring" and feel a kinship to it. But I am clearly NOT a boy, but this endearing process seems normal and welcoming to me.
How DO girls bond? I have sisters, I rely on them and know that they rely on me. But I am somewhat of a motherless daughter, I haven't witnessed that same loyalty outside of my sisters, in other aspects of life. When I was younger I often found girls calculating, self-involved, maybe even spoiled and I didn't relate. And yet-I am really womanly, I think I embody what it means to be a good woman. I have wonderful female friends. How do I not really know what creates those bonds? Is it just more complex? Does it just require less effort? Is it just unspoken? I am not really sure.
Recently I have had the pleasure of meeting up with old female friends, as I have pranced around the country there are still a few people who care to keep up with me. When I see them I feel that bond, how did we get it? Laughter, the sharing of self-discoveries, maybe even as one of my friend's suggested, common enemies? The process isn't nearly as black and white, as easy to identify as the boys. At 36 years old I just noticed this!
I know my mother had wonderful female/sisterly friends, I never paid much attention until recently. I am fortunate enough to count those same women as my friends even 15 years after my mother has passed. These are wise women who are willing to share their wisdom and I trust their judgement.
I also noticed this because I have had female friendships fail where the fall out was more like a nasty divorce than just 2 friends parting ways. This makes me sad, and makes me feel like a terrible person, but self-preservation is still the most important thing, if I have learned anything from boys it is to keep a strong sense of self-preservation. And yet-women sometimes have a hard time with that. We want to give and please, sometimes at the cost of our own character. Maybe getting through that common experience bonds women. For me, bonding with other women is still a process, a learning process. It seems a little murky at times and tough to navigate through. But I am learning, perpetually learning-sometimes in the damnedest places, like my classroom. And sometimes over coffee with a sister, friend, or what I have come to appreciate as my "sister-friends". I am still a student to these life lessons. And even though I have always had friends I don't think I was cognizant of what created the friendships. It doesn't take away from those friendships, but I recognize it now. It's bright, and encouraging, and warm. Thank you sister-friends.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Farm boy, fetch me that pitcher.
Ok, so here is the thing. Recently I have been approached by gentlemen callers (yes I live in a Tennessee Williams play), who in their attempt to be kind and "open" mention that they are 1. an open book (uggghhh boring cliche) and 2. are willing to answer any questions.
Well, that is super, Mr. Single guy, while I think most girls would TOTALLY appreciate your willingness to be open, I find that DAUNTING and very overwhelming. Do you realize you just put all of the pressure on me, and ps. you just asked me to work while you get off totally free and clear. Also- you are really willing to answer ANY question I lob in the air? Are you sure? Cause I can be a crafty chick. I can ask questions you probably never even thought of. Seriously.
I think your intention is probably to show how sensitive and open you can be, which are great qualities in a man, but AFTER you get to know him. In the beginning-be a Man. Initiate interesting conversation, show how you can steer a conversation into sharky waters but make me feel totally safe. Throw out some interesting witty banter to see where I will hit the ball. I don't want to insinuate that I want a game player, but let's be honest, in the beginning that is the flirty fun part!
Otherwise I just have to check my clipboard o'questions, push my glasses up on my face, and choose a random boring question that you will answer in exactly the way you think I expect it to be answered. BLLLAAAHHHH. Then I yawn and fall asleep while you paint pretty pictures of Paris travel and glasses of red wine by a fire. Red wine gives me a headache. Paris sounds romantic, but I live in Nashville in the here and now, I need REALISM, not Romanticism.
If you really want me to "ask any question" you might not like the ones I come up with right off the bat. If you knew me you would know that I am somewhat of a traditionalist with a gooey liberal feminist center. However, how would you know if I am doing all of the asking. Does this mean you would always be this lazy, I mean "open", even in a relationship, because that would be a lot of work for me. (imagined scenario: Where do you want to go to dinner? I'm open, you tell me. soooo chinese? Italian? am I getting warm, a little help here please? ) That exhausts me and we haven't even been on a date yet!
Ok, here are the questions I would ask:
Where do you stand on 5 fouls and you are out rule in college basketball? Here is why I ask, back in the day when the Big East was considered a more physical league-it used to be 6 fouls!! Can you imagine? Think of how that would change the game. It blows my mind.
What is your take on the supernatural? I will fully disclose at this point that I am 100% on this trendy vampire wagon. Sorry. Team Jacob for the record. If you find that immature you should have asked me first!!
Do you really work out 3-5 times a week? People say that (myself included) but those are actually my intentions. I know I should work out that much, and I even schedule it, but if my friends ask me to go to happy hour instead-guess where you will find me?
Do you like to cuddle (Beware-this is a TRICK question) The standard girl wants to hear yes. But I am NOT your standard girl! Cuddling sounds like a fabulous and sweet idea, but it kinda irritates me. I like the standard American 1 square foot of space. Making the effort every once in a while is sweet and makes me feel cute, but other than that, I need my own space to be comfy.
Do you like to grocery shop? I ask this because if I can pawn that task off I totally will. I hate grocery shopping.
Daylight savings? How do you really feel about it? Yeah, stupid question, see why you should not let me do all the asking?!
Do you make new year's resolutions? I don't. That doesn't make me a pessimist, I still make goals, just arbitrarily, not set by the calendar. Way too much structure for me.
What do you think about Gloria Steinem? Careful here... :-)
Who is your favorite author? Ok fine, a top 5 list will do. Please don't tell me you don't read fiction, that would make me terribly sad for you.
What will your next tattoo be? Ohhhh this could be tricky too! I look like a straight and narrow, clean cut teacher, but I might have a little thing for the bad boy! Which I do. So now that is out. But don't let that fool you. I am looking for a real good man that just has shimmers of the old bad boy. Not the total bad ass, make you feel like crap asshole. Two totally different things.
So, now. Must I keep going? At any point do you think you might feign interest in Me? Cause letting me ask all the questions makes it allllll about you. Snooooze.
One last question-what questions do you have for me?
Well, that is super, Mr. Single guy, while I think most girls would TOTALLY appreciate your willingness to be open, I find that DAUNTING and very overwhelming. Do you realize you just put all of the pressure on me, and ps. you just asked me to work while you get off totally free and clear. Also- you are really willing to answer ANY question I lob in the air? Are you sure? Cause I can be a crafty chick. I can ask questions you probably never even thought of. Seriously.
I think your intention is probably to show how sensitive and open you can be, which are great qualities in a man, but AFTER you get to know him. In the beginning-be a Man. Initiate interesting conversation, show how you can steer a conversation into sharky waters but make me feel totally safe. Throw out some interesting witty banter to see where I will hit the ball. I don't want to insinuate that I want a game player, but let's be honest, in the beginning that is the flirty fun part!
Otherwise I just have to check my clipboard o'questions, push my glasses up on my face, and choose a random boring question that you will answer in exactly the way you think I expect it to be answered. BLLLAAAHHHH. Then I yawn and fall asleep while you paint pretty pictures of Paris travel and glasses of red wine by a fire. Red wine gives me a headache. Paris sounds romantic, but I live in Nashville in the here and now, I need REALISM, not Romanticism.
If you really want me to "ask any question" you might not like the ones I come up with right off the bat. If you knew me you would know that I am somewhat of a traditionalist with a gooey liberal feminist center. However, how would you know if I am doing all of the asking. Does this mean you would always be this lazy, I mean "open", even in a relationship, because that would be a lot of work for me. (imagined scenario: Where do you want to go to dinner? I'm open, you tell me. soooo chinese? Italian? am I getting warm, a little help here please? ) That exhausts me and we haven't even been on a date yet!
Ok, here are the questions I would ask:
Where do you stand on 5 fouls and you are out rule in college basketball? Here is why I ask, back in the day when the Big East was considered a more physical league-it used to be 6 fouls!! Can you imagine? Think of how that would change the game. It blows my mind.
What is your take on the supernatural? I will fully disclose at this point that I am 100% on this trendy vampire wagon. Sorry. Team Jacob for the record. If you find that immature you should have asked me first!!
Do you really work out 3-5 times a week? People say that (myself included) but those are actually my intentions. I know I should work out that much, and I even schedule it, but if my friends ask me to go to happy hour instead-guess where you will find me?
Do you like to cuddle (Beware-this is a TRICK question) The standard girl wants to hear yes. But I am NOT your standard girl! Cuddling sounds like a fabulous and sweet idea, but it kinda irritates me. I like the standard American 1 square foot of space. Making the effort every once in a while is sweet and makes me feel cute, but other than that, I need my own space to be comfy.
Do you like to grocery shop? I ask this because if I can pawn that task off I totally will. I hate grocery shopping.
Daylight savings? How do you really feel about it? Yeah, stupid question, see why you should not let me do all the asking?!
Do you make new year's resolutions? I don't. That doesn't make me a pessimist, I still make goals, just arbitrarily, not set by the calendar. Way too much structure for me.
What do you think about Gloria Steinem? Careful here... :-)
Who is your favorite author? Ok fine, a top 5 list will do. Please don't tell me you don't read fiction, that would make me terribly sad for you.
What will your next tattoo be? Ohhhh this could be tricky too! I look like a straight and narrow, clean cut teacher, but I might have a little thing for the bad boy! Which I do. So now that is out. But don't let that fool you. I am looking for a real good man that just has shimmers of the old bad boy. Not the total bad ass, make you feel like crap asshole. Two totally different things.
So, now. Must I keep going? At any point do you think you might feign interest in Me? Cause letting me ask all the questions makes it allllll about you. Snooooze.
One last question-what questions do you have for me?
Monday, January 4, 2010
Krismet is a funny way to combine Kris with Kismet.
This is going to be my year. There are big things in store for me, I physically feel the atmospheric shift happening at this very moment. So begins the journey of living in the kismet moment. There are a few things I need to clear out first:
1. My bedroom really needs to be cleaned. Can I be successful if I can't ever keep my clothes off of the floor? That certainly is worth pondering, but also perhaps futile.
2. My usual procrastination when it comes to grading is at an all time high (low?) It is as if the idea of reading 1 more Thoreau essay is paralyzing. Dare I say literally? What would Thoreau do if he was in my position? Something deliberate for sure, but what? Recycle all of that paper and go outside. 24 degrees outside is really prohibiting my transcendentalist chi from being released.
3. My finances, can you say disaster? Oh wait, with a capital D. and maybe capital other letters as well. DISASTER. I am a master at ignoring this, but it is probably manifesting itself in some terrible way that I am unaware of...like I eat too much. Well I do that too, but mismanaging finances pretty much has it's own really dire natural consequences.
Who needs money, so says my friend Thoreau. Word dude. I do pay my taxes though-for the record. And I don't need to spend any time in jail to make a point. That is what this fancy new blog is for.
4. I started working out again today...again something that seems totally futile, although lots of people get really good results, I am not totally convinced. I ran 2 miles today. It seems so insignificant. I epitomize the instant gratification generation. I want to be in shape and I want to be in shape NOW. Just call me Verruca.
5. I also started my good eating habits again just now, at dinner, today, a few minutes ago. Gosh Darn it if it is not UNFAIRLY expensive. This suddenly got whiny, next topic.
6. I am blessed. I know this because I have the best siblings in the world. Like, in the WORLD. I don't mean in the spoil me rotten kind of way, I just mean that they are really frickin' cool people. They all have these awesome and yet really different qualities. They make me laugh, HARD. If I can live up to their standards I am doing pretty darn good in this world.
7. My friend Becky. She is also a riot and a dang good friend. She does nice things for people so much so that it might almost be to her detriment. That is a good person.
8. Old friends are good too. Seeing friends from years ago reminds me that we were drawn together for reasons beyond just the moment and geography.
9. Old boyfriends are ok too. Mostly. They have taught me a lot, or rather, I have learned a lot about myself while with them. That is ok.
10. Growth is good. I would like to see more of it, like if I had a garden. In my garden I would have lavender so that every time I walked by I would think of my mother. Ricky. She was a cool chick too. In every sense of the word. Damn, she is missed.
11.My dad is cool guy too. He is a slippery fella. But he has a lot of love in his heart.
12. I am surrounding myself with people who are filled with love. Because it is cheesy and it feels good. So naysayers, go naysay somewhere else.
Peace and love.
1. My bedroom really needs to be cleaned. Can I be successful if I can't ever keep my clothes off of the floor? That certainly is worth pondering, but also perhaps futile.
2. My usual procrastination when it comes to grading is at an all time high (low?) It is as if the idea of reading 1 more Thoreau essay is paralyzing. Dare I say literally? What would Thoreau do if he was in my position? Something deliberate for sure, but what? Recycle all of that paper and go outside. 24 degrees outside is really prohibiting my transcendentalist chi from being released.
3. My finances, can you say disaster? Oh wait, with a capital D. and maybe capital other letters as well. DISASTER. I am a master at ignoring this, but it is probably manifesting itself in some terrible way that I am unaware of...like I eat too much. Well I do that too, but mismanaging finances pretty much has it's own really dire natural consequences.
Who needs money, so says my friend Thoreau. Word dude. I do pay my taxes though-for the record. And I don't need to spend any time in jail to make a point. That is what this fancy new blog is for.
4. I started working out again today...again something that seems totally futile, although lots of people get really good results, I am not totally convinced. I ran 2 miles today. It seems so insignificant. I epitomize the instant gratification generation. I want to be in shape and I want to be in shape NOW. Just call me Verruca.
5. I also started my good eating habits again just now, at dinner, today, a few minutes ago. Gosh Darn it if it is not UNFAIRLY expensive. This suddenly got whiny, next topic.
6. I am blessed. I know this because I have the best siblings in the world. Like, in the WORLD. I don't mean in the spoil me rotten kind of way, I just mean that they are really frickin' cool people. They all have these awesome and yet really different qualities. They make me laugh, HARD. If I can live up to their standards I am doing pretty darn good in this world.
7. My friend Becky. She is also a riot and a dang good friend. She does nice things for people so much so that it might almost be to her detriment. That is a good person.
8. Old friends are good too. Seeing friends from years ago reminds me that we were drawn together for reasons beyond just the moment and geography.
9. Old boyfriends are ok too. Mostly. They have taught me a lot, or rather, I have learned a lot about myself while with them. That is ok.
10. Growth is good. I would like to see more of it, like if I had a garden. In my garden I would have lavender so that every time I walked by I would think of my mother. Ricky. She was a cool chick too. In every sense of the word. Damn, she is missed.
11.My dad is cool guy too. He is a slippery fella. But he has a lot of love in his heart.
12. I am surrounding myself with people who are filled with love. Because it is cheesy and it feels good. So naysayers, go naysay somewhere else.
Peace and love.
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